Exhaustion and Grace

It's been one of those weeks: one very emotionally and physically exhausting week.

Since last Saturday, I've been waiting for this week to be over. All the crying made my eyes burn, the craziness made me unfocused, and the racing thoughts made me want to sit on the couch all day and do nothing.

Yesterday someone said to me, "I just wanna send you home and put you in bed so you can sleep!", to which I responded, "I'm actually not that tired. I got a lot of sleep last night." I answered honestly. I really didn't feel that tired at all. But she followed my answer with this: "You may not be physically tired, but you're emotionally tired."

Huh. She was completely right. I think yesterday was the first time in my life where I felt my emotional tiredness completely separate from my physical tiredness. Normally I either have just physical tiredness, both, or neither. It was definitely a new and odd feeling for me.

I'm emotionally drained. Thinking about the week coming up scares me. I wish I could have an extra week to make up for the crazy one that's almost behind me. Not being able to do this causes me to tear myself apart for not getting enough tasks done this past week. But you know what? There's this thing called grace.

Grace is something I execute poorly. During rough weeks or tiring times, I expect myself to continue doing everything I would normally do while feeling perfectly fine. One thing I've realized is that this is an unrealistic standard. Sometimes there are days, weeks, or months that just don't go as planned, and adjustment needs to occur. These adjustments consist of more rest, less activities, more prayer, and less worry. I can do all the justifying I want about how I need to continue everything, but the voice of grace still sits there and speaks in the back of my mind.

For the rest of my life, I'm pretty sure this lesson will have to be forced into my head over and over again. If I could remember to give myself grace, I'd probably have more room to breathe. And one thing I know for sure is that breathing is a very, very good thing.