If Only

Sometimes it's hard to be comfortable where you are. Especially when you so badly want to be somewhere else.

I'm not talking about the situations you have the power to change and you're just deciding not to. I'm talking about those situations that are out of your control.

Many times I look at my current situation and badly wish I could change it. I'm not content with where I am. I would rather be doing other things. If I had the power to change specific settings or plot lines in my life, there are a couple that wouldn't take more than a second for me to switch.

Nevertheless, even though I do not possess the power to change anything, I start playing the "if only" game.

How many times do we say "If only I could change this aspect of my life" to ourselves?

My guess is a lot. Probably way more often than we even realize. We want our frustration gone, our bitterness to disappear, our sadness to simply leave and never come back. We want other people to see us a different way so that we can get what we want. We want God to change our lives because right now? Our life just isn't fair.

I tend to think I should have a right to control certain parts of my life. I mean, if I could be where I want to be... where THAT person is....man, I'd show them! After the change I'd shout, "Take that, God! I was right all along!"

...But then I look back. I look back at all the times where I would've changed something if I had the power to. All the times where I didn't understand what God was doing.

And it's funny. In retrospect, I wouldn't have changed a darn thing.

I so badly wanted to change my situation in those moments. But looking back, I'm incredibly grateful that I didn't have the power to do so. I could not have imagined all the beauty and growth that would come out of those terribly confusing and frustrating times. If I had received what I wanted, the following would've happened: hindered growth, dissolved patience, and lost lessons. Thankfully, my non-existing power caused me to tough out what I didn't want, and it resulted in this: immense growth, stronger patience, and helpful lessons. Shocker.

Then I transport back to today. Just a few moments ago, I was wishing I had the power to change aspects of my life. I like to think I know what's best for me. However, in the past, what I would've changed would NOT have been what was best for me. Not seeing the end result of both options makes it easy to want the selfishly preferred scenario. This is when I'm glad I don't have life-changing power. When I'm glad my "if only" statements don't actually come true.

Maybe I do want my life the way it is now. Because in the future, I'll look back and be thankful.

It's hard to believe, but it just might be the case.